I decided to leave my old website/blog behind and start again. It wasn't all lost, and I will go back and read old posts and possibly move some over here or create a link, but in the meantime I'm going to push forward here. The photos on my homepage are just photos that I like...that make me happy. I'm planning to add new ones as the mood strikes to keep a sense of life and movement and hopefully joy.
I've been thinking about what has changed since I last posted consistently, and it feels like everything has changed...and nothing. Probably the most significant change for me is that my kids are older, and that has shifted dynamics and needs and issues. As hard as parenting younger kids can be, looking back it feels so much more straightforward. I know that's not really true on some levels, but the stuff my kids are grappling with now are so much bigger and more fundamental. I guess that's not entirely true...younger children are grappling with the same things but at a different level of consciousness. Now my sons are facing life as young adults, which comes with a lot of heartache and sorrow. And I can no longer make it better. I have to watch them struggle and trust they'll figure it out, but it is so hard watching it, feeling it and seeing it. So hard.
I feel like I am playing a delicate balancing act of being there, being supportive, listening and at the same time stepping back and letting things play out. I often find myself wanting to jump in and solve something for one of them, only to remind myself that that's not really my job anymore. And it's really not what they need.
I have realized it's now time to figure what this next phase of life will look like for me. And part of that is getting back to writing here.